AND
- I am a male.
- I am a girl.
- I am shorter than 5’4.
- I have many scars.
- I tan easily.
- I wish my hair was a different color.
- I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
- I have a tattoo.
- I want a tattoo.
- I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
- I have more than 2 piercings.
- I have a piercing in a place other than my ears
- I have freckles.
- I’ve sworn at my parents.
- I’ve run away from home.
- I’ve been kicked out of the house.
- I have a sibling less than one year old.
- I want to have kids someday.
- I’ve lost a child.
- I have a job.
- I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
- I always do/did my homework.
- I’ve missed a week or more of school.
- I failed more than 1 class last year.
- I’ve stolen something from my job.
- I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
- Disney movies still make me cry.
- I’ve peed from laughing.
- I’ve snorted while laughing
- I’ve cried from laughing so hard.
- I’ve glued my hand to something.
- I’ve had my pants rip in public.
- I was born with a disease/impairment.
- I’ve broken a bone.
- I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
- I’ve had my tonsils removed.
- I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
- I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
- I had a serious surgery.
- I’ve had chicken pox.
- I’ve had measles.
- I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
- I’ve been on a plane.
- I’ve been to Canada.
- I’ve been to Mexico.
- I’ve been to Niagra Falls.
- I’ve been to Japan.
- I’ve been to Africa.
- I’ve been to Hawaii.
- I’ve gotten lost in my city.
- I’ve seen a shooting star.
- I’ve wished on a shooting star.
- I’ve seen a meteor shower.
- I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
- I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
- I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
- I’ve been to a casino.
- I’ve been skydiving.
- I’ve gone skinny dipping.
- I’ve played spin the bottle.
- I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
- I’ve crashed a car.
- I’ve been skiing.
- I’ve been in a play.
- I’ve met someone in person from Facebook.
- I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
- I’ve seen the Northern lights.
- I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
- I’ve played chicken.
- I’ve played a prank on someone.
- I’ve ridden in a taxi.
- I’ve seen Rocky Horror Picture Show.
- I’ve eaten sushi.
- I’ve been snowboarding.
- I’m single.
- I’m in a “it’s complicated” relationship.
- I’m in a relationship.
- I’m engaged.
- I’m married.
- I’ve gone on a blind date.
- I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.
- I miss someone right now.
- I have a fear of abandonment.
- I’ve gotten divorced.
- I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
- I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
- I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
- I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
- I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
- I’ve been kissed in the rain.
- I’ve hugged a stranger.
- I have kissed a stranger.
- I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
- I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
- I’ve snuck out of my house.
- I have lied to my parents about where I am.
- I am keeping a secret from the world.
- I’ve cheated while playing a game.
- I’ve cheated on a test.
- I’ve ran a red light.
- I’ve been suspended from school.
- I’ve witnessed a crime.
- I’ve been in a fist fight.
- I’ve been arrested.
- I’ve passed out from drinking.
- I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
- I’ve smoked.
- I’ve smoked weed.
- I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
- I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
- I’ve done hard drugs.
- I have cough drops when I’m not sick.
- I have 3 pills at a time no problem.
- I have been diagnosed with depression.
- I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorders.
- I’ve taken an anti-depressant.
- I’ve slept an entire day without needing to go pee.
- I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
- I’ve woken up crying.
- I’m afraid of dying.
- I hate funerals.
- I’ve seen someone dying.
- Someone close to me has committed suicide/tried.
- I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
- I own over 5 rap CDs.
- I own an IPod or an MP3 player.
- I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
- I have an unhealthy obsession with a celebrity.
- I own something from Hot Topic.
- I own something from Pac Sun.
- I collect comic books.
HEY HYPOTEHTICALLY IF YOU WERE TO BE ASKED THE QUESTION "WHAT IS YOR FAVOIRTE LELAND,, WHAT WOULD YOUR HYPOTEHTICAL RESPONSE TO THAT COMPELTELY HYPOTEHTICAL QUESITON BE???!
My big brother would be my answer<3 I mean.. if I hypothetically had a big brother with the name Leland..
Mom: What's wrong?
My mind: I used to do so well in school but I'm not anymore.
My mind: The people I call friends, aren't my actual friends.
My mind: I'm constantly feeling alone.
My mind: I'm starting to look at myself different.
My mind: Nothing feels the same anymore.
My mind: I feel like I'm going to fail at anything I try to do.
My mind: I haven't been eating that much and I'm hungry all the time.
My mind: I feel like no one cares about me.
My mind: I just wanna sleep all day and never wake up.
Me: Oh nothing I'm fine.
I seriously dont know what to do. I always fuck up. I have finally looked at myself and imagined a slit in my throat and realized it wouldn’t make a difference. I cant imagine anyone actually caring anymore
It just sucks. I know I shouldn’t complain. Its his life, but it affects me too. I love him more then I should, I realize that. But I can’t help it, he is the only person who has stood by me, who told me when I was insecure how beautiful I am, he believes in my wildly foolish dreams and he cares about me.
But I can’t sit by and wait for him to throw his life away. He is my best friend and I can’t loose that. Not for anything. He told me not too, now its my turn. Now I have to convince him not to, but I am not as strong as he was. My life is so wrapped around his. No one can understand a love like this. Its nothing like anything else. Everyone loves differently. I can’t even fathom the depths of what I feel. I just wish I knew if it was true with him too. I miss him the moment we walk away from each other. I love the way he looks when he wakes up. I love the fact he held my secrets.
But now he is changing.. now secrets aren’t between just me and him, its between me him and his friend group. Thats not fair. I can’t trust talking to you? Then what is the point in trying to be with you. We have such amazing days together and then it ends badly.. always. Its not anything to do with our relationship, we are just so different. I try so hard, so do you. Just maybe we aren’t doing it right, maybe I need to sacrifice more for you. Our humor isn’t compatible. How I feel for you and how you feel for me contradicts it self and its hard to keep breathing when we fight. You need space but I need you closer when we argue. It doesn’t help that I end up crying and you end up fine. These are my thoughts that I am scared to tell you. My voice is so weak when you are around, it matches my knees as they tremble. I just want to hug you and for you to tell me its going to be ok. I am so venerable around you, that one time I wept in your bathroom and you held me on the floor, I loved that. Not because you hurt me so deeply, but because it showed you cared, that you didn’t want to see me hurt like that. You didn’t mind the makeup running down my face or the snot and tears and spit I got all over you. You looked in my red eyes, makeup caked face and told me I was beautiful. You always do that. When I am at my lowest you make me happy. Thank you, thank you so much for always being there. For making sure I am ok when I just have a small scrape on my leg and for only bringing me flowers when I really deserve them. For allowing me to take a picture of us kissing even if it means you will cringe every time you see it. It makes me happy and you know it. Thank you for stealing a picture of me when I was five and keeping it in your wallet to show off to your friends. Thank you for bragging about me and for being the boy to point me out to his friends. Thank you for getting just slightly jealous and hold my hand just a little tighter when your friend complimented me. Thank you for the little things like laughing at me when I am acting silly, for going on a picnic with me, for just sitting and listening to me rant, for taking me out for dinner, for pretending to go to youth group with me to apease my parents, for putting up with my crazy overly protective family and still holding your head high and knocking on my door. Lastly thank you for not allowing my to kill myself, for forcing me to eat and enjoy food.
All these things you do, in a list don’t even remotely began to compare to what you really are. You are beyond amazing and I struck out with you. I would never be able to find anyone half as amazing as you are and I know this. But you, you will always be able to find someone who is better then me, I am not even half as special as you are. I am not nearly as smart and as skinny as I should be and I know that I hold you back and I know that I should let you go and I have tried. I have tried to pull myself away from you and to allow you to breath but you are so addicting. I could write about how much I love you endlessly but I would get me no closer to coming to terms with the fact that maybe it might be coming to an end soon. I think you are beginning to realize that its not meant to be anymore and that scares me.
